I want to live to be 100 or more. How can I do that? Living to 100 is hard. Peripheral Neuropathy (PN) is chasing me down from behind. Could looking around help? I think of Eve and Billy.
Eve was struck by MS in her 30s, with several small children. When she died, 60 years later, she had raised that family and kept right on going. She’d been a major figure in our church. For many of those years, at least the 20 years we knew her, she was unable to walk without a cane or walker. Yet she was a powerful and wise figure amongst all those around her, helping all of us with her perspective.
Billy came into my life when he invited me into a church group. He’d been a standout basketball player in his youth, a school principal, and a major influence in the education system of his native Iowa. When I met him, he’d had peripheral neuropathy for several years. It fully disabled him over the 7 years I knew him. Yet, when I visited him near the end of that period, he insisted on swinging about in his kitchen to cook me a meal. Adapting, leaning, using one hand to do stuff and the other to stabilize. He frequently spoke of his daily exercise routine. Living alone in his small house with his lift chair, walker rigged with a pouch, small shower, and memorabilia of his wife, he had started a hobby of building a model train layout. He died in his mid-90s.
Neither Eve nor Billy did this on their own. Each of them did the work to maintain a network of support. Eve was supported by her daughter and our church’s groups. Billy moved from Iowa to be close to his daughter. Inspired by him, our group did all we could to keep him close. Not everyone has family to rely on. Not everyone has a network of friends. Some must rely on new faces and people who cannot stay regularly engaged. In those cases, the PN patient must work to wring mutual love out of strangers.
It takes work to help someone like me. As my condition gets worse that workload will increase. Caregiving has the potential to be life altering. It was when we cared for my wife’s mother. It was for my sisters in caring for our mother. My cousin spent years of his youth caring for his mother and, later, caring for his brother. There are losses involved, but regret is not a necessary component. I know our groups took great pride in keeping Eve and Billy in our embrace. I am confident that the daughters of Eve and Billy see it that way.
Eve and Billy gratefully accepted what we and others offered them.
So, if I want to live to 100 where do I look for inspiration? Eve and Billy stand out. I think of them often. They prove to me that this desire to live a long life has a basis in reality. Yes, I may fall. Yes, my functioning will continue to decline. Yes, I don’t have the discipline of a basketball player like Billy. I did not, like Eve, have the steeling experience of raising a family while under the thumb of a crippling disease. Nevertheless I am hopeful that I can pull together what I do have and keep “doing”.
Along the way I will try to gracefully accept the support of those around me.
If we pause, we can probably find many sources of inspiration. We, those with PN, must do the work to build and maintain our personal support networks. And accept their output with grace. That is what God put us here to do: seize inspiration, live long and use our time fully (I’d say “wisely”, but that might be a stretch)
Mike